Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
