i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
