i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
