Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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