I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
