Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
look no pants
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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