so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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