I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
