it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You are a genius and a whore.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
