Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
