the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
No more Irish car bombs ever.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
