Your dad touched me again.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
