I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
