i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
