Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
