So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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