Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
