yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
