I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
don't judge my taste in strippers
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
