I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
