I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
