smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
