Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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