he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
