Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
