the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
