Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
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