Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
