quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
