what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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