I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
