i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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