I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
