Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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