allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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