Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
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he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
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Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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