i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
