in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
