it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
