if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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