if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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