i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize