I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
