It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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