i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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