He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
