trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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