I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
