He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
