i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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