The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
