Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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