the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
