im drinking this country out of the recession.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
