I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize