I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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