I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
