I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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