I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
