omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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