I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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