RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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