My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
