I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize