Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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