Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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