he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
