So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
