We're like a lot better than the average bears
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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