Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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