Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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