last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
