I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
