O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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