When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
