All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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