i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
