That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he shaved USA in his pubs
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
