i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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