Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
