I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
