So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
